October 2020 – A View From the Sycamore

Evangelicals – A Pyrrhic Victory?

Was this win worth it?

Congratulations, evangelicals! Your decades-long effort to secure a Supreme Court packed with judges who will overturn Roe vs. Wade is about to happen. You might also succeed in overturning Obergefell vs. Hodges and banish legally recognized same-sex marriage. So, you win. But I wonder if you have counted the cost of this victory. A Pyrrhic victory is one where you win a battle at a cost so high you lose the larger war. If your mission is to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His saving grace – as “Evangelical” suggests – I suspect you’ve paid more than you intended.

You’re fond of Bible study so let’s explore Jesus time in the desert fasting and the devil’s three temptations (Matthew 4:1-11). The last temptation was when the “tempter” offered Jesus “the Kingdoms of the World” – a quick route to power and control that did not involve crucifixion. Jesus rejected the offer. To a lot of us out here, it looks like you took it. Let me explain.

For the past 40 years, evangelical Christianity has been sharply focused on two social issues – abortion and homosexuality. Many of you are so young you likely do not know that prior to 1978, abortion was a non-issue among Protestants; it was viewed as a Catholic issue. Protestants viewed abortion as a private matter between a family, a doctor, and God. Following the Roe vs. Wade ruling, the Southern Baptist Convention actually passed resolutions in 1974 and 1976 affirming that women should have the right to access abortion. Yet, this was also a time when the conservative churches felt they were losing a culture “war.” Churches were shrinking, social mores were changing, and the country was in chaos over Vietnam and Watergate. This was the church’s moment in the desert and the tempter appeared.

To create a political movement that would move Evangelical voters into the Republican Party, a GOP strategist named Paul Weyrich proposed the anti-abortion issue as a cause. He succeeded by joining with Jerry Falwell to form the “Moral Majority” movement, and the Christian Right was born. This was in 1978 – hardly ancient doctrine. Understand this was not a discussion of ethics or doctrine within the church, it was a political strategy to strengthen the Republican Party. All of the Scriptural justifications were given after the fact, when the decision to play that game had already been made. Protestantism interpreted all those same scriptures quite differently before that time. But this movement was successful and the most vocal and visible part of American Christianity became over time a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Republican Party. It was a stunning victory for the GOP, but less so for Jesus. This group settled on two issues Jesus himself never addressed – abortion and homosexuality, selected because they were emotional issues useful to generate outrage and motivate “the faithful” to vote for a particular party. Falwell and his kind were offered the secular “keys to the kingdom” and they eagerly accepted them. To this day their successors seek to use the levers of state power in an attempt to enforce their beliefs, rather than the conventional tools of doctrine, service, witness or moral persuasion. Church leaders have become the handmaidens and water-carriers of politicians, leading their flocks not to the Kingdom, but to the polls.

What has been the fallout of this deal with devil? The GOP’s institutional capture of white, conservative American Christianity is almost complete. Compared to white evangelicals who in 2016 were motivated to vote for Trump because they disliked his opponent Hillary Clinton (45%), this year increasing numbers of evangelicals say they are voting for Trump because they like him and his policies (57%). Only 20% say they are voting for Trump because they dislike Biden. This is an astonishing moral collapse. Why?

Here is your problem:

Recall that in living memory abortion was a non-issue but today ending it is the justification for abandoning Jesus’ own spirituality. You have alienated a lot of people not just from you or the church, but from Christianity in general. Across every single age group, but especially among the young, the number of those who identify as “nones” with no affiliation to any religion has grown. For example, in 2007, 25% of Americans born in the 1980’s said they were “nones.” A scant 7 years later in 2014, 34% embraced being “nones.” A survey published in the evangelical publication Christianity Today reported that, among young adults leaving churches, 25% did so because they disagreed with their churches political stances and an additional 32% did so because they felt the church was being hypocritical. Moreover, those “nones” increasingly identify as agnostic and atheist rather than simply unaffiliated; that is to say, their anti-religious positions are hardening. From an evangelistic point of view, this is a disaster.

If Trump is your exemplary leader, you have lost credibility because you have mistaken your mission. It was and is to spread the good news of God’s love and saving grace. You’ve decided instead to play God and try to fix the world using secular tools. That’s not your job and you’ve trashed your ability to do the real one given you. Your ability to witness to the love of God is gone. Who can possibly trust your spiritual judgment when this man is your example? Many of my friends are non-Christians and I listen to them talk. I tell you, now more than ever, you will never be a credible messenger to them. Not ever.

Was it worth it?

Can’t You Just Be Quiet?

October 11 is National Coming Out Day, but why do we need it?

Let me start by saying I’m not proud to be gay, nor am I ashamed of it. Being a gay man is natural to me. I am no more – or less – proud of being gay than I am of being right-handed or going gray-haired. All of them are simple biological aspects of who I am. “Ok, you say, I get it, but do you have to go on about it? Why talk about it?”

For starters, I celebrate myself. Despite spending my childhood, adolescence and much of my adult life being told who I am as a gay man was bad, wrong, immoral, unchristian, diseased, perverted and above all shameful, I was finally able to face that instilled fear. I threw off untruths I was fed my whole life. On National Coming Out Day I am glad I’m honest about myself, that I knew who I was. It wasn’t easy and I nearly died. I finally realized, despite being told otherwise, that my moral character is NOT defined by my sexual orientation. Heterosexuals fall all along the moral spectrum irrespective of their romantic attractions. So do lesbian, gay, bisexual transgender, and gender queer (LGBTQ) people. Nothing inherent in anyone’s sexual orientation indicates their morality or character.

When I first came out in 1993 I did it for me, because I was suffocating under other people’s expectations that I conform to their heteronormative expectations. I spent the first 40 years of my life “in the closet” doing everything I could to meet my own and other people’s expectations. This ignores the fact that nature doesn’t give any of us much choice. Oh, I tried to choose otherwise. I spent thousands of dollars in therapy both secular and spiritual, spent thousands of hours seeking spiritual awakenings and in prayer– sometimes with tears of frustration and despair. I tried the ex-gay thing which was useless. And I tell you neither change nor choice is an option, so no one belongs in that closet. Worse, hiding one’s sexual identity is a dark, depressing, frustrating and self-defeating way to live. You are living against reality itself, as if you are bird trying to live like a fish. I’m proud that the stink-eye directed to me by the ignorant, the homophobic slurs shouted at me by the intolerant, nor even the one incident of (mild) physical assault I experienced failed to chase me into the shadows or silence my voice. I’m proud to stand with my brave LGBTQ sisters and brothers, many of whom have suffered far more than I, to say “This is us.”

The closet is chosen based on mistaken beliefs; that what you are is shameful, or from a fear that people you care for will reject you if you speak your truth. To be fair, some have been and will be punished. I can tell you multiple, factual stories of people who literally had guns held to their heads by family members for speaking a simple truth. A story of a trans teen whose father literally beat the shit out of her because she appeared in women’s clothes in her own home. There are untold stories of teens thrown onto the streets for revealing who they are. In fact, such stories are so well-known they would be trite to report if their horror didn’t live on. Lives were lost because everyone was taught being LGBTQ was something no one should ever be. To overcome that is a reason to speak out.

Today I recognize and celebrate LGBTQ Pride and National Coming Out Day not only for myself; but also for two other groups of people. The first are those still in their closets. Despite all the progress we have made, somewhere today there is a child contemplating killing himself because he lives in terror being discovered as gay, or for realizing that her girl-crush is more, or that their gender doesn’t match their anatomy. There are also those who aren’t LGBTQ at all, but who will kill themselves because others believe they are and shame them for it. Such judgments are not simply immoral; they are sickening, and they make me angry. I celebrate visibly, proudly, because there are people out there who need hope there is a satisfying, productive life filled with loving relationships, meaningful experiences, and happiness outside of that closet door. Our visibility as people living openly, free of shame, with love and joy is a literal lifeline.

And I celebrate to tell some other people if they dislike with who I am, that is their problem, not mine, nor will I tolerate efforts to make it my problem via policy, law, or moral sanction. Once, while campaigning for legal recognition of same-sex marriage, a woman said to me “You’re degrading my marriage to my husband.” I pointed out that such “degradation” existed only in her mind. Nothing in the real world changed. Nothing of what I do in my marriage—or in my bedroom—affects hers. Over and over people build these justifications for discrimination based upon nothing but their own perceptions and want me and my community to fix it for them. No.

We are worthy, we are equal to you, you have nothing to fear from us. Unless you attempt to make us second class citizens in our own country. Then you and me – we’re going to have a quarrel. Just this past week two sitting Supreme Court Justices announced they would like to revisit and overturn the Obergefell decision that legalized same-sex marriage for the nation. And so we also celebrate these days to rally the troops. We will not go back into those closets and we will oppose you at every step if you try to force us there. That is how Pride began in the Stonewall uprising, with an assertion of equality. That is what it still means and I’m proud to own it.

Come out, come out wherever you are.

Tikkun Olam

Truth Will Set You Free, But…

I learned a lot working with people in recovery from various substance addictions. One friend was leading a Court-ordered group session with people convicted of drunken driving. No one was happy to be there. After several weeks of meetings, my friend asked them to each write a personal timeline from when they began drinking and what happened in their life along the way up to the present day. As they worked, a man in the group who had been angry about being there looked up in shocked surprise and blurted out, “Oh my god, it’s the alcohol.” He told how he had given up drinking about 5 years earlier and all his legal problems resolved and his family relationships improved. Three years after that he began drinking again and now family and legal problems were back. He said, “I thought I had a criminal personality, but it’s the alcohol. I’ve got to quit drinking!” He had resented being sentenced to the group, but now he realized he wasn’t a bad person; he was someone drinking too much. He could change that. Others had told him before, of course, about this drinking ut he had dismissed it and them. Now, he learned what you will hear said only somewhat tongue-in-cheek in the rooms of recovery:

“The truth will set you free… but first, it will really piss you off.”

For a great many people heavy drinking brings good things into their lives or they wouldn’t do it. For many people, heavy drinking or drug using is their hobby; what they do for fun and relaxation, either alone or with friends. It doesn’t just go with their fun; it is the fun. For others, it is a release from anxiety, stress, and painful memories or feelings. For some, it’s both. Then it starts to cause trouble – emotional, relational, legal and financial problems start to happen. To stop the trouble, the person must realize this valued substance they think of as a friend—or even a lover—is no longer helping them, Indeed, it is now running and ruining their lives.

Admitting this is painful. Imagine being told our best friend—someone we’ve known and trusted for years—is actively destroying our lives, costing us friends, hurting our family members, destroying our reputations, and leading us into betraying even our own values. No one wants to believe that about a friend. If cautioned about it, we become defensive of our friend and angry at his “accuser”. To those around us the issue is very clear, but from the inside of that damaging relationship, we can’t see it or we can’t see a way out. It doesn’t matter if it’s true, we don’t want to believe it and we won’t.

If we’re lucky, one day something happens as it did for the gentleman above. While we’ve resisted the uncomfortable truth, when we let it in it reveals this “friendship” is actively destroying us, our health, our well-being, and damaging the lives of others, too. Disentangling from this “friend” can be complicated and emotionally painful. But the truth that first pisses us off will set us free when we accept it. Then we can rebuild and restore ourselves.

And here, my Trump-supporting friend is where I must raise your relationship with Donald Trump. Does that piss you off? Pay attention to that; it’s a sign. I don’t speak from anger or judgment. People believe and do the things they do for reasons that seem good to them at the time, often from pain or fear. I don’t think you’re a bad, stupid or racist person. I’ve worked with you and valued your friendship. You know he’s not a good person. You know, in fact, he is a human moral wasteland. Unless you are a billionaire, and apart from your 401K, I can’t think what he does for you, but apparently, it’s something so valuable you overlook his appalling behaviors and their disastrous outcomes. Maybe he makes you feel better or takes away your anxiety. Maybe he makes you feel part of a “tribe.” It is painful to watch your mental gymnastic twists in thinking to continue your support. It is distressing to see you going back to Fox News, or Breitbart, or InfoWars which are Trump’s pushers and your enablers. I and others want you to know we’re concerned for you, but also for where you’re taking us as a nation. Please, look around at our country after three and half years. Millions are out of work, people are being evicted from their homes, hundreds of thousands of your fellow citizens are dead, and all due to Trump’s incompetence and surreal inability to deal with actual facts. It is due to his monstrous ego that makes him unable to admit he is wrong, and due to his narcissism he cannot feel the pain or suffering of others. We wish you could. Our democratic institutions are in tatters because nothing and no one matters to him but him. We have armed thugs in the streets killing people and it doesn’t matter which side you believe is right, Trump pours fuel on those flames and bellows them up into a fury of firearms and bloodshed.

I worry for you, because whatever he’s doing for you, it blinds you to what he’s doing to you and to us.

What makes me saddest, is knowing from my background, none of these words will have any effect. Like the drug addict whose family members beg them to see what is happening, you will dismiss it all as “you don’t understand.” In fact, we do. Only you can persuade you. All I can say is, he’s not taking you anywhere you or we want to be. One day, if you’re lucky, you will look up and say, “Oh my god, it’s Trump. He’s the one doing this.” And it will be a relief to us all. Because that will begin to set you, and us, free.